Gord Clements

I can see clearly these days at times when my way of relating to life creeps away from a grounding that I have managed to establish. The demands of western life can be such that living simply is not valued or even practical it seems by conventional standards. But ultimately western ways can lead us away from living in the moment in expecting that our focus be on an aspect of extreme self creation and maintenance. When I am focused this way I forget the beauty that is of the life that I am. I begin to obsess on planning , with agendas and business that needs to be done and on the ways that are the expectation of culture and surviving in culture. The contemporary world of art and music that I care so much about seem to be co opted in this way as well. Even my own creation in art is affected when I leave the present moment behind. I can lose touch with the creative when I am caught up in keeping up with societal expectations. I also see that the larger cultural orientation to of art and music has  not so much to do with  true creativity but more with  other western values  of money, ownership and an arbitrary and monetary notion of  perceived worth. What is truly art is not realized or of interest.

Ultimately I know that the way back to a more truthful and grounded way is not far away. The other ways are all external focuses . The world it seems is a chaotic pool of ever increasing ego efforts to change things according to individual perceptions. If you take the time to listen  we see that these perceptions are shallow in their insistence of knowing. What is there to know. It is the elusiveness of knowing that has got us in this state that we are in. Everyone claims to know.

Is there a truth and wisdom that unfolds in letting go of  our efforts to control our lives based on what we think we know and what we have been taught. Is there a knowing that is deeper than our conventional notions. I think that there is an unfolding that has been happening eternally that is more than we  are aware of  that we are ultimately a part of.  There is a way to touch this place again. It is not from an act of willful knowing. Everyone is trying to create the world as a projection of themselves. This is where the suffering has its origins. It is a way that lets go of all that we have come to think that we are.

A Letter to a Friend

Since the last time that we talked about three months ago I have felt good. The one day there I seemed to have gone through an intense  purging of something that must have been trapped within. Every once in awhile I am aware that my body is integrating in touching places where something that has been blocked in past days. I do not know what it is intellectually but there is a sense of a re emerging of body and mind. I think that in facing these new challenges these days in Germany  with Iris, I am confronted with old blockages at times. I realize that these blockages are connected to difficult self conceptions that have been with me since I can remember but am now able to be with them in a new way. It is still a difficult experience in confronting them but there is awareness that it is a created perception and local reality and I seem to be able to bring a deeper truth to  seeing it.

It seems that one way of  conceiving this experience is that in pursuing our cerebral and conditioned notions of what we think is self we become cut off from the essence of what we are. I think much of my life has been about coming back to this essence. All our anxiety and worry that has become unconsciously trapped rises to consciousness in choosing presence over ideas about what we are and what we should be or what we have thought ourselves to be. All is taken care of in presence although it takes some courage and  commitment to see what we need to see along the way.

I am now working and have been employed for the past  two weeks as an English teacher at InLingua in Halle, a school for learning languages. I think that my intuitive interpretation about the CELTA course that I attended in Berlin was not far off. I did not graduate from the course and I am not disappointed by that. I feel strongly that it is an institution concerned mostly with its own sense of self importance and rigid notions about what it means to teach English. There were things that were helpful to learn during that time there but the overall emphasis on mechanical understanding and becoming over intuitive and  connective aspects of teaching was too great for me.

My employer has asked me to work with a group of youths next week that are struggling with integration into society. Working with youth has been the experience that I have been most  accustom to in Canada. I have always felt that if we are able to follow the lead of the heart as opposed to the head life will unfold as it should. It has not been an easy path to this point but all seems to be in order. making an adjustment to an new culture, a new language and and a new kind of work and pursuing the training and the employment has taken some focus and energy but it seems to be unfolding in a way that seems very natural.